Maybe Cody didn't commit suicide maybe he was murdered. Willing to undercover the truth with my family phoney baloney rojas step aside take whatever consequences I alone have for that. There was a restaurant bar on that stretch between galena and dubuque had the word moon in it around 02 to 04 we ate there bish carol harlow grandma and me 4 blondes and me at the time the non blonde I remember that registering as a time to remember because those days wouldnt always be. I think in the back of my mind I did that a lot I grew up fast. Cody times right here a few so thats difficult no pleasant word for it..and was forced to relive and relive and relive the photos instead of move forward by ken and mike forever etched in my mind. cody told me who got him started it was a girl out there dont remember the name sadly. Dont we all humams have things we forget? I was often on the same maturity level as him since some people refused to let me move forward. Cody was not very fb saavy so that wasnt him stuck on that. I wasnt interogating him just asking for help. I got as far as the 3rd flr pr joey dont know me from adam so stuck here not pleasant. Yah well I know his nationality not like i never had a pr fling I did so did dannielle hers was a worse experience. We gona do more pillow talk gfs? My writing wont last forever either unless you save some of it for personal future reference. I try not to relive things too emotional so i dont break. Typing emotions opinions characters thats not personal like a photo of someone like grandma last time i saw her too difficult thats how heartbroken i really was. Not everyone can even handle a wake. Tragic personal beautiful letters now would break me. Get your heads out of your asses and off some pre programed brainwash shit live in the present your mind is your own. I havent reached out to Billy via the phone I did to mikey today I assume he is in touch with billy or will be. Its difficult i think in person is better. Cody didnt like mexicans he told me he said theyre liars you mexican ariana? Maybe ill ask rick to take me to Indiana get some white cigs maybe ill call him from 5th floor youre for emergency purposes only billy. Mikey if i dont hear from you and you dont hear from me for a while do a wellness check ive been off all heart pills and i do have that heart anomaly still havent gotten my 1 social worker yet alyssa must be busy reading horoscopes or something. And if its ok billy dont got a brother I dont got a daughter in law. You would never forgive cody and you didnt have a brother. I shoulda took it more seriously. The boys become hardened by the fathers they dont show the emotions to the mothers. You dont wana tell me about a service because Mexican mafia ariana rojas said so We got bombs set off here sparking my lonesome ptsd So as usual I gotta get my own closure I suppose faroff in wonderland folks. Nobodies cracked THAT code yet communicating with the dead. Like what happens after we die not to my knowledge. Grandma Emilies mother told her that if there was any way possible because she was dying of tb when she was just like 13 that she would find a way she said it never happened and she was very sad. So much me and cody coulda talked about if not for the drugs. I cry a lot for cody already why you wanna know someone wanna know im still in cicero last one that door gona have to be shut. I got diaz friends 50 years ago still reading it. I dont want any of the horrible energy from those people across the hall rubbin off on me the shaking of her keys she maybe has some voodoo on her shes trying to shake off on me. So whos cody with did he want to be with his mom? Codys dead we dont know where hes at so go be a mommy and look away before aubrys light dims we dont wanna chance that. Ive seen the sparkle in arianas eyes is it from looking in the mirror or into my sons eyes?